If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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