Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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