so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
my poor anus
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
