I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
