so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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