I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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