So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
