I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
