Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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