A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
