Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
