I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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