I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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