So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
