i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I need a beard to bite.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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