LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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