Pants 0. Shit 1.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Use "feeling words"
Yay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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