she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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