I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
