dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
