She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
