I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
