i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
