She said her name was "party"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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