my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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