I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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