I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
