I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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