Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
