i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
