I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
