big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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