so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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