i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
