All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
