my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
