I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
