I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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