RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
