Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
