nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He better not be in your backpack
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
