i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
