apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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