I need help removing her.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
