we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
