Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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