My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
