he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
