I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
