How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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